TSK: The Conjuring 2: Supernatural. The Warrens are back, this time helping with the investigation into a claimed haunting taking place in Great Britain. I originally saw this movie when in theaters, and had been meaning to give it a rewatch to see how I really felt about it. SPOILER ALERT for the rest of the review bc I'm going to get into the nitty gritty of a lot of the plot. For starters, I really liked the family in this movie. The daughter who was affected most by the haunting did a really believable job during the possession scenes and the worsening family dynamic really added to the validity of the haunting. There are 3 real "villains" in this movie, and the idea behind all of them are fantastic. The Crooked Man spinning wheel is terrifying. I don't know who designs toys like that with songs that are so fucking creepy. Once I saw that in the start of the film I knew it was going to get put to good use and it was. The one small issue was the transformation in the dog, but after that the depiction was good at the transition back to the girl w/ the shadow was really nice. 

Next villain we had the old man. I thought the backstory for this character was very good. His utilization throughout the film was good, and eventually became better once you realized his true involvement in the haunting. The scene where he is speaking through the girl when she has water in her mouth is pretty dope and really well shot - with the focus up close on Ed Warren and the slow transition into the form of the old man on the chair. Speaking of the chair, that was a really nice piece that is easy to use and easy for everyone to relate with. The Squeaking rocking, the remote ending up there, and reflections off the tv were all nicely done. Might have gotten a little overboard with some of the jump scares, but it wasn't paranormal activity level imo. 


Finally - the star of the film - was the nun. I LOVED this villain. I loved the look. I loved the slow movement. I loved the silence. I loved how she was brought in during the beginning. I loved the realization of her involvement in the haunting. She would have been a perfect 10/10 villain … if she never opened her mouth. When she did she bared a ridiculous set of choppers and screamed, which completely took away from the buildup to the character. If she would have been silent and solely relied on gestures and looks to get to her point, it would have been much more effective IMO. With that being said, the nun created one of my favorite horror movie scenes of all time. The scene is probably 5-6 minutes long, and culminates with a shadow slowly walking along a wall into the portrait of the nun, in which hands wrap around and the nun appears in the room. Perfect scene and will be remembered (at least for me) along the likes of the Psycho shower scene, all work and no play makes jack a dull boy, the exorcist arrival, etc. 


Story-wise this movie was well written, but did feel like it ended quite abruptly. Once all of the information was revealed, the movie was over in about 15 minutes. I thought the ending may have been the worst part of the movie tbh, which is super disappointing because I thought the buildup (aside from a few scenes) was fantastic. Even though this is a sequel, you need not see the original as this is a stand alone film. I do recommend seeing both though, as I rate the original a 9/10. So after a second watch, I've come to drop the rating for this movie by a point, and settled on a strong 8/10. 

TSK/Sug/Moe: The Love Witch. 2016. Comedy Horror. A modern-day witch uses spells and magic to get men to fall in love with her, in a tribute to 1960s pulp novels and Technicolor melodramas. As you may notice by the date, we chose to watch this as an ode to Valentines Day - I personally love doing themed horrors for holidays. This was a very fun movie. It was set in the 1960s and it felt like it was shot in the 1960s. The acting, costumes, set design, music, all gave it a classic feel. The main actress did a very good job with her role. The plot wasn't anything to write home about, but was enough to keep the movie going. At the end it definitely felt a little long (2 hr runtime) but worth the watch. Community rating: 7/10

Moe: The Strange Thing About the Johnsons - 2011 .I was watching a double toasted review and they were talking about this short film and they showed a clip of someone bursting through a door and a dude in a bath screaming his ass off. I laughed incredibly hard. They kept talking about this movie and how fucking weird it was so I decided to give it a try. This thing is 30 minutes long and a complete mindfuck that is horrific but also comedic. I cannot believe it exists tbh. Just watch it. 8.5/10

TSK: The Strange Thing About the Johnsons. 2001. For a short, this was fun. It did a nice job of building suspense in such a short time frame. The true horror comes from the breakdown of seemingly a perfectly adjusted family. 7/10

Sug: The Strange Thing about the Johnsons. 2011. Mindfuck/Horror. I guess it was well made. It achieved what it set out to do. 5.5/10.

TSK: Fright Night. 1985. Vampire. A kid obsessed with horror movies begins to suspect he may be in one - with his creepy new next door neighbor. This is a really fun movie that would be good to watch with a group who enjoys horror movies. It hits all the tropes, especially those breaking down how a vampire works. There wasn't a whole lot of backstory, which would have been nice since the movie was 1hr 45. There is a sidekick friend who is annoying as shit but ends up filling a good role in the movie. There is also a pretty nice pair of ta tas in the early going. For comparisons sake, I'd prolly put this a small bit below Lost Boys (but i like that movie a lot). 7/10

Moe: XX - 2016 - horror
. This is an anthology film which is something I typically enjoy, notably the VHS series. The unique thing about this is that all the shorts were directed by women. The poster alone hints at this.



The first short is called The Box and it’s creepy as hell. It starts off with an old man on a bus or train with a present and a kid keeps pestering him about it so the old man shows him what’s inside the box and then leaves, which is a scene that reminded me of Hannibal Lector when he let a kid taste a human brain on a plane. This scene sets up the remainder of the short where that kid who saw the box refuses to eat food which slowly creates tension and fear in his household. The premise hooked me right away and everything that follows is just straight mindfuck. I have no idea what to think of this and whether I even like it or not. In fact, what I said earlier is hilarious and unintended and you’ll know what I mean if you watch this. WTF/10.



The second short is called The Birthday Party and at this point, my issue with anthology films begins to rear its ugly head. The thing about horror shorts is that they’re playing with very little time and as such require a director to come in, get attention, set shit up and wrap it up like they’re robbing a bank. A lot of times, this ends up with shorts that are simply just nonsensical. I didn’t hate this short but whether intentional or not, the short seemed almost comedic. It was of course intentionally supposed to be ridiculous and a black comedy but sometimes it teetered too much to the comedy side. It was basically sitcom hijinks masquerading as a horror/thriller. I loved the use of sound in this one and the music had a lot of synth shit which always gets me no matter what. Visually, it was very bright and colorful which is a cool juxtaposition to the genre. Parts of it felt like a Workaholics episode with the use of slowmo, music and bright, lit up shots. The plot itself makes absolutely no sense and the main character’s reasons for doing what she does is never revealed. Just has you going like “but why?”. Ending is hilarious. 7/10.



The third short is called Don’t Fall. Drunk, high, obnoxious boys and girls on a camping trip happen across some weird shit. It’s a classic b movie slasher set up (motherfuckers had some fog effects lmao) and a drastic tone shift from the previous couple shorts. Here’s a reason why I like anthologies. You get a bunch of shit for the price of one. The original monster effect is so fucking bad that I love it. The effects afterwards, however, are pretty fucking legit. Dumb ass characters, jump scares, monster sounds off screen, tropes upon tropes, etc. We out here. B movie shit. 8/10



Last short is called Her Only Living Son. The son looks like Heath Ledger in 10 Things I Hate About You and this took me out of the film right away. Just couldn’t take it seriously. Plus, he’s a cunt with straight up serial killer tendencies. There is a scene where the aforementioned asshole’s mom has to go to the principal’s office to deal with his BS and the principal says the funniest line ever. Something like “it’s not always black and white” and the conflict is between a black mother and a white mother and their children. It’s funny because they just play it straight like nothing happened. The principal somehow ends up being a bigger cunt than the kid. These were my thoughts as the film was happening because I thought I knew where it was headed. Let’s just say I had no fucking idea. 8/10





Overall, I'd give this 7.5/10. Enjoyable stuff. Wildly different tones and visual styles. Recommend to anyone who's a genre fan.

TSK: The Changeling. 1980. Mystery / Supernatural. After a traumatizing family incident, a man moves into a secluded home to try and escape the pain. I heard about this one on a podcast and it was recommended as one of the best "haunted house" movies. First off, the plot was really good. The backstory for the eventual haunting was very enticing and got better and better as more information was revealed. I was a little nervous due to the year this came out, but there were some legitimately creepy moments. The supernatural elements were handled really really well, especially for a movie of its time. Having seen dozens of 21st century paranormal movies, it's clear to see how influential a movie like this was. And the best part about this was that there weren't really any jump scares. Instead, it relied on slow burn psychological moments as well as disturbing plot points. Overall, this movie is a trendsetter and a pioneer for the supernatural movement we've seen the last decade. 9/10

Moe: Don't Hang Up - 2016 - thriller. This film is basically what if SAW had annoying 20somethings instead of grown ass men. It's enjoyable.

6/10